There's a new guy S at work; I first encountered him earlier in the year when I went to his presentation for his job interview. "Definitely gay" was my conclusion. "Definitely gay" was still my conclusion when he started work here a month ago. He is quite friendly so I have been trying to make him welcome, at the same time very curious to find out his sexual identity. (Gawd it sounds so sinister when I write it like that).
I went to lunch with him and his identical twin from Auckland. The twin seemed kind of straight I thought. When S and I were in the queue alone for coffee and cake I finally decided to pop the question:
Me: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
S: "No, go ahead."
Me: "Are you gay?"
S: "No, I am straight actually. But people have asked me if I am gay before."
Me: "Oh... I just thought if you were gay I could introduce you to some of the local gays. Not that I don't plan to introduce you to people anyway. Um.... Anyway, you should take it as a compliment!"
S: "I do, I do!"
I am particuarly proud of the "Take it is a compliment!" line - attack is the best form of defence, don't you think.
Thinking about the scenario later, I think that S could well be a straight version of me - we seem to have very similar personalities (S even picked up a mild pretentious Irish lilt in his accent after being there a year) and interests, which is probably what made me think he was gay.
If this is true, I have to say that a straight version of me is still pretty damn gay.