I'm not a slut, I just "live in the moment"

As you might guess from a sudden spate of blog entries after nothing for a month, I am no longer getting regular sex.

The car mechanic (and race car driver) A was (is, he is still alive) one hunk of spunk and on our last meeting he figuratively fucked my brains out. It was a moment in which I felt as though I finally graduated from bottom school. I wish to write more about anal sex later (I know you can't wait) but this blog post is devoted to my feelings (I know you've stopped reading now).

Our few hook-ups were mainly instigated by me and were never much more than hook-ups, although there were a few conversations. A treated me in general with honesty and respect but I just can't do sex without feelings on a repeated basis with the same person, no matter how hot they are.

Before having my brains fucked out (hey, it was "one for the road") I asked A if he thought this was anything more than sex and he said no. Since then (this was three weeks ago) there has been no texts from either of us. I am somewhat relieved as it is not easy for me to say no to a hot guy even though I know that's what is best for me. I never had a crush on A and didn't think much of the prospect of us dating seriously due to our very different interests and backgrounds!

With this fling over I am not filled with great regret, although I really will think carefully before next engaging in casual sex with someone from Hamilton - it is such a small community. I don't want to have a long list of people in town that I'd rather avoid!

I am left contemplating how I tend to use sex to avoid and escape (as a "substitute for love" I suppose) and whether this is always a great thing for me to do. In this instance the fling was useful in the short term in escaping/avoiding my crush on G but in the long term it provided me with little, except maybe for some confidence and the self-awareness that I want more to life than just sex with a hot guy! (As fantastic as that can be in the moment!) With it finished I find there are still some residual feelings for G, though not as intense as they once were.

Do we really ever "get over" or "move on" from someone - not really, I think, rather we distract ourselves and the feelings and memories gradually fade.